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Regardless of price, the machines in our round-up are easy to use and produce rich, smooth, tasty coffee.

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Him: Because people like you are what’s wrong with the gay community.

But it is Brooklyn, so I should expect a little sarcasm. If you’re going to imply I’m a hipster, then I’m done with this.

It looks great, is intuitive and the design has impressive attention to detail. Smarter Coffee Machine: £179.99, If you need a coffee the minute you get home, this Wi-Fi-enabled machine will prepare it for you. Miele CM6310: £1,379.00, For great for coffee in a flash, this is ideal.

Controlled via a smartphone app, you can remotely adjust factors like temperature and strength too, and the taste is excellent. Just fill the grinder with beans, add milk to the flask and choose from espresso, latte, cappuccino or latte macchiato.

But I took some time out of my schedule to hang with a friend of mine who’s recently come out of the closet. Me: I’m sure he is much nerdier than you, which might just mean that he’s smarter than you. Start getting jealous now because he’s going to write a show about gay people and he’s going to change things for us.